I've fallen hard for this

Note: this post is so vague that you have to twist your brains in order to grasp what's really the fuzz.

4 hours of dating with Hickman and Campbell made me flicker my phone for another 4 hours arguing with an old friend on what should i be and how should i act in the near future.

I have always been an egocentric individual, an infidel as what a Kuya of mine loves to describe people who lose their faith at all times. Nevertheless, i love being this way despite judgments and criticisms by the crowd that surrounds me, acting like i do not care at all. " i do not need to please these feeble animals , i do not belong in their zoo", i haughtily tell myself every time this throng of roving eyes casts a shadow on what i am trying to portray , on what i am trying to be.This throng is my mortal enemy and it pains me in the ass seeing some of my friends standing at the front line of this battle, standing on the other side, standing against me.He belongs to this throng, i know. I couldn't be wrong.

It has been years since i last saw this friend and i just can't decipher what is he trying to let me assume. Prophesizing at this downfall of my faith made me realize how stupid i am to gawk at the senseless and imbecile entities surrounding me knowing that i could not even define myself, i could not even identify what entity resides in the inside of me. A cupid? an angel? or perhaps a monster, craving not for justice but for self- satisfaction.

Despite his attempts to let me unravel the secrets i have been hiding, secrets that keep on haunting me everyday of my life, I did not give in. I will never concede to the fact that he's right and I am wrong. That will never happen.

This battle has lasted for years now, and i enjoy standing for my own rights , defending myself in front of the many eyes and raised eyebrows that scorn me to hell. I have been acquainted with these kinds of individuals who do not wish to see me reach my goals in life. They're the ones who keep on pushing me to that portal, that transitional zone where i will be transformed into a filthy rubbish, in contrast to what i am now- a victor.

I tend to succumb on pressures and indignations i face everyday but my faith , no matter how unstable it is, keeps me standing, keeps me fighting. I remember telling myself "I do not belong here, i deserve better" , when i scrutinized and dissected each obscene lofting that happened in my past. This battle might be jading and might seem to push me in the verge of insanity; yet i won't give up. I won't give up because i know i am not supposed to be picked on ; i won't give up for i know i am supposed to be on the top; i won't give up coz i do not want to end this battle, not only because this is a way for me to prove my worth but mostly because i am starting to love it. Yes, i have fallen for this battle and i won't yield and surrender until i get what i deserve.